Looking in the Mirror of Relationships

"The people we are in relationships with are always a mirror, reflecting our own beliefs, and simultaneously we are mirrors, reflecting their beliefs."

-Shakti Gawain

Relationships matter in our lives. They help us sustain our resiliency. But what we often don't understand is that the quality of our overall relationships mirrors back the relationship we have with ourselves.

Do you have healthy relationships? To answer this question, you must be self-aware of how you interact in relationships. Are you fully present? Are you grounded in a way that lets you respond to others calmly and positively? Or do you perceive others with judgment, jealousy, or anger?

Take Away:

Our interactions with others can reveal areas of our own lives that need attention.

Often times, if we are honest with ourselves, it is the latter. What is key to understand, however, is that if we interpret others with any level of negativity, what we are truly perceiving are those

characteristics we do not like in ourselves.

What we are projecting is actually our own present state of emotions/feelings.

Jealousy, for example, might reflect our own insecurity with not being enough, or anger might reveal the pain we experience from feeling overlooked or unheard. By becoming self-aware during our interactions, we can identify the parts of ourselves that need attention.

To foster healthy relationships, we need to work on valuing our inner architecture. When we are able to sustain a love for ourselves, our overall ability to emotionally regulate increases which, in turn, improves our ability to truly connect with others.

In our world today it is not easy to stay balanced or present. There are so many factors that can easily derail our self-perception.

However, if we are experiencing negative feelings (influenced by our inner critic), the first thing we need to do is take a step back and see if our present environmental stressors are influencing our wellbeing.

This is when a self-care inventory needs to occur. What does my self-care look like? Am I meeting my physical, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual needs? The answers to these questions form the foundation of our self-perception and thus our relationships with others.

How to Use Relationships as Mirrors

1. Stay present with active listening.

2. Take a self-care inventory.

3. Name and recognize what emotions show up. Ask yourself are they new, old or familiar?

4. Be aware of the influence of uncertainty/fear, perfectionism, and shame.

5. Be self-compassionate. Shifting habits take time and the art of reframing practice.